still paying 
out of pocket 
for hormones
nested under my tongue 
still opulent 
when cascaded 
with opalescent
plastic pearls 
thrifted for three dollars 
still painting 
nails that blue razz 
that pops 
like a tongue  
only capable 
of cooking eggs 
& when i wipe 
my brow 
with greased fingers 
pimples still erupt 
like adolescent 
devil horns
still shaving 
every day, so close 
my lips crimson
still looking 
for the perfect-sized bralette 
except by now
my tits 
have grown 
into more 
than fresh fat
on my chest
i cup 
new breasts 
in the mirror 
& examine 
the vessel 
i have become 
i am translated 
most simply 
as constellation 
cluster of stars 
with a name 
i’ve chosen myself
i ache 
i break open 
& like water 
abandon form 
i carve 
my feminine name 
the same way 
a river fissures 
rock into ravine
slow and deliberate: 
             oh! evelyn, where have you been?